I told my sisters Rissa and Rinna this week, as well as my best friend John, that "I have had the most charmed life of any person I know". I have wonderful parents who sacrificed everything so that my brother and I could have the lives we have. We've always had a wonderful extended family and I have made the best of friends wherever I've gone. I got the best education, moved back to the country I dreamed to live in (the Philippines), married the absolute love of my life, have 3 beautiful children and have the privilege to be working for a great company with a job that has allowed me to see the world.
Yes, I now have cancer. For the past 3 weeks, I have been to the ICU 2 times, gotten a "code blue", lost my kidney functions, gotten a serious case of pneumonia and have developed a heart problem. I've experienced the difficulty of standing up, trying to walk 10 feet to go to the washroom, sitting up to reach for a glass of water, internal bleeding, and being scared out of my skull because I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't sleep last night. I kept waking up after 30 minute stints. This morning at 1am, I prayed. I prayed to God to give me the strength to get through this. I said many things but I felt that someone was holding my hands as I was praying.
I tried to sleep again, but after an hour of cold sweats, I realized I needed to go to the washroom. I had to struggle to unplug my heart monitors and walk with my IVs but I made it. Then, in something of an exercise that I've taken for granted for my entire life, I took a shower on my own without any assistance. This isn't exactly simple, as I have a dialysis catheter now, but I did it. I then shampooed my hair (had to do it separately), and then shaved, brushed my teeth again.
For the first time in weeks, I was standing on my own, without help, for over 10 minutes. Also for the first time in weeks, I really looked at myself in the mirror from head to toe (not sharing photos of this sorry!). My arms have gotten very thin. My neck is thinner. My stomach has large bruises from the subcutaneous Chemo injections. My arms have innumerable IV scars. My back had a rash from the antibiotics. My backside has atrophied from the lack of any form of physical exercise (I haven't been able to walk). My legs are swollen due to fluid build up. I am so not ready for any Men's Health cover. But, more than any other time in weeks, I FEEL STRONG.
The nurse heard me and came in. I told him that I was feeling very good. I saw a cross around his neck. He then said something that was so helpful. "Enjoy this moment".
God has given me this strength all along, it took for me at 230am looking in the mirror to see it once again. I am so lucky to have faith and the prayers of all family and friends. The road ahead will be a long one. There will be more bumps in the road than what I've had in these past two weeks. But I am ready for the bumps and whatever else the Amyloidosis and Multiple Myeloma throw at me. The doctors have been wonderful at addressing my physical ailments. God has been there all along to give me the inner strength to work with these doctors to beat this cancer. It's up to me to feed on His love for me and all of your prayers to help get through this. I still have the most charmed life of anyone I know.
Till next post!
Buddy
Hi Buddy, Ria was right. This thing chose the absolute wrong person to throw such a trial at. What strength you have. I believe along with you that this has nothing on you! With Jesus by your side, you've got this. His Name is above every name, such that everything that can be named - including this TEMPORARY condition - must bow down in subservience to the name Jesus. I'm with you, my friend. Haven't seen you since Glendale, AZ in '98 but it doesn't matter. I'm storming Heaven with prayers for your return to full health - which is yours already through Christ's stripes.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Carmina del Fonso
Hello Armando, this is Ria (Esteban-Holmbraker). Each morning after Bernie leaves for work, and Aidan for school, I open my reflection guide for the day and my Bible and say my morning prayers. Today, I took the chance to look at your blog and this feels like a part of my morning prayers. An answer to our prayers, for strength, for another chance, for life, for continued thankfulness.
ReplyDeleteBoth you and Ria are blessed with a strong faith that I look up to. You have very deep and discerning spirits that touch and enliven my own spirit and my faith. And oh, such wonderful joy that you have in your hearts! Thank you for sharing so much of your journey with us.
I shared your story with another girlfriend of mine who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. She also has you in her prayers now. My family in Manila and in the US and their prayer circles are also praying for your healing.
Keep smiling, Armando and Ria! We will keep fighting for you with our love and prayers. God bless you richly, always!
hey, buddy. you may have had a drastic physical transformation and never provided your blog readers a photo to match your self description as you wrote this entry... pero para sa akin, pogi ka pa din. your sense of humor is alive and well, my friend! it may be a long road ahead, but a lot of people are rooting for you on the sidelines. LIVESTRONG.
ReplyDelete~bjay
Buddy: First of all, Men's Health covers are SO overrated. They are about the wrapping, not the contents. Growing up, how often did we hear the phrase: "Don't judge a book by it's cover"? Your post brought me to tears, as do most of the posts that you and Ria share. However, my tears are not of sadness, though I feel sad you and your family are faced with this great challenge. The tears I shed come from a deep place in my inner being being move by the power of faith, hope, and love ever present in your life. While I realize that you saw yourself as you literally are physically last night, and that the majority of your Prayer Warriors have not seen you in years or ever for that matter, you are SO much greater than your physical being. You DO belong on a cover. I'm not certain what the magazine or book title would be, but I know this: Your smile through all this, still lights up a room. Your love and appreciate for everyone in your life remains as strong as ever, perhaps even stronger. Let's be honest, this disease and your ailments are giving your body one heck of a hard time right now, but as others have said, it's picked the wrong guy to mess with. Your spirit and your FAITH are no match for your ailments. It looks like this could be a long match, there will be some punches that bring you to your knees, but like last night...when you're down there on your knees...you'll think to pray, and you'll stand tall again and see exactly what we all see and know about you: YOU...ARE...A STRONG MAN OF FAITH. YOU are a real man, wrapped in a body you're not familiar with, but who you are inside remains intact. As with every device on this planet, people included, if we don't charge them...they don't work. The love of your life recharges you, your children recharge you, your wonderful brother and parents recharge you, your extended family recharge you, and friends some old and some new recharge you. The Prayer Warriors charge the heavens with our prayers and thoughts of you and your family, and somehow you know...You know we all have our hearts and hands to heaven in your name. One of your friends said there will be times you are weary, and that's o.k. That's when you ask God if he'd mind carrying you for a bit. Last night you weren't carried, you were walking on water...and I'm not referring to a wet shower floor. It was just one of the many miracles I've read since this all began. Thank you to both you and Ria. Your decision to share your difficult journey has come during a time in my life that I need faith more than anything. I know that it is only with faith that I will get through the situations in my life. Years ago while going through what now seems like insignificant stuff, a friend said to me: "Your experience will benefit others." Your experience Buddy, and the way you and Ria have approached it, I believe has given so many of us so much more than you could ever realize. The foundation of faith and love you have for each other is so inspiring, and your journey is a true testament to the power of prayer, hope, and love in life. I don't know how anyone could read this blog and wonder if there is a God. His presence has been shown day after day, and will continue...for you are one of his faithful followers and he loves you just as you and Ria love your children. In continued prayer, and with love for you all, Christine
ReplyDeleteDear Buddy,
ReplyDeleteI heard from Rissa that when Rinna and she came to visit you started to cry. I told Rissa that they were tears of happiness that demonstrated how you looked upon the girls as your sisters/cousins. Happy that you enjoy solid support from your extended family at the very least.
This was again demonstrated when your mother-in-law invited the Sanchezes and the Estrellas to the Greenhills chapel to hear Mass and pray for your eventual healing. You won’t believe it, but some attendees had to stand in the back. Tell Luis and Nadya that your son’s best friend, Sam, came with his sister [supposedly the best friend of Nadya]. They were accompanied by their father and grandmother, Marinela Fabella, who is a good friend of mine.
We have a cross to bear you and I. I was finally diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease which has debilitated me considerably that now I cannot even write anything [especially my signature] and I have problems with balance, walking and even talking. It takes me 30 minutes to eat a meal because my hands are jittery. Hence, my social life is all shot. But at least, I have the use of my fingers and am allowed to type this message to you.
Like you, I carry on regardless. But to tell the truth I lack your strength to face the odds. I guess it’s because of age. You are a great chap you know. One can tell how great a person is by what it takes to discourage him. Despite many reverses, nothing has discouraged you. [And that goes for Ria too judging from her postings in “Our Journey”.] What I like about you is that you are prepared for the future without fear.
For both of us, life hasn’t been fair but it is still a gift. God handles our lives and loves us. If God allowed our ailment to happen, His grace will protect us and carry us through. But as you said we need the prayers of others to support us. And I pray for you Buddy every day of each week.
Abrazos!
TBen
P.S. I heard from Rissa that you might be leaving the hospital today. May the days ahead proceed smoothly compared to the immediate past. Do you have a new email address? I’d like to send some inspirational messages I receive from my email friends.
Armando, don't worry, you still look very hansome. God blesses you, we all pray for you...
ReplyDeleteTracy
Hi Buddy, you still have that awesome smile I remember from our days at Notre Dame. I just heard about this last night and you and your family have constantly been on my mind. I know this is a challenging time (an understatement), but you are blessed with many friends and a supportive family. And most of all, you are solid in your faith. My daughter was diagnosed with leukemia when she was 3. After 3 1/2 years of chemo, her cancer came back and she underwent a bone marrow transplant. I say this because the doctors said her chances for survival were very low. But she is alive now and smiling every day! I will be praying for you, your wonderful wife, and your precious children.
ReplyDelete"So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you" (Isaiah 41:10)
Kathleen Kim (Hwang)
Hi Buddy, God may have not prepared you for what you're going through, but I am certain He is happy how you are handling His tests. You are passing each test with flying colours. A lot of people are praying for you as you go through the bumps and bends but certainly not the end, for you will win this. All will be well. Keep the faith! God bless!
ReplyDeletePraying for you,
Phylline
Dearest Buddy,
ReplyDeleteWhat a gift- to feel the strength of God's love in spite of what you are going through. You inspire us. You really do.
I thank God for you and the inspiration you and Ria give us. I am in awe.
We love you Buddy. We are with you.
Our prayers are constant. The power of God's grace is immeasurable. His love is infinite. And your deep awareness of this is your greatest blessing. Thank you for reminding us of this.
With you always,
Leah
Hi Buddy, you will be cured fast because of your positive outlook in life and you are surrounded by wonderful parents, brother and sister, best friend, relatives and your own family, Ria and your 3 wonderful kids. Found this prayer on my office table while preparing for the school materials of Vince. Kindly let Ria print it or you can copy paste it in computer and pray this healing prayer to our Divine Mercy daily. Extend my Happy mother's day greeting to Ria....... Rochelle Guste
ReplyDeleteCancer HEALING PRAYER
LOVING FATHER, I COME BEFORE YOU, TRUSTING IN YOUR GOODNESS,KINDNESS AND THE POWER OF YOUR HEALING LOVE AS I LIFT UP TO YOU MY SICKNESS. HEAL ME, LORD, OF MY CANCER OF (SPECIFY SICKNESS). LORD, YOU KNOW ALL THINGS. YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS AND I KNOW YOU LOVE ME VERY MUCH. ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR ME AND WHAT I NEED IN TERMS OF HEALING. AS I SIT BEFORE YOU NOW, LAY YOUR HANDS UPON ME, TOUCH ME, HEAL ME AND BRING MY WHOLENESS OF BODY, MIND, EMOTIONS AND SPIRIT. LET THE GRACE OF YOUR DIVINE LOVE AND POWER FLOW TO ME RIGHT NOW TO REACH THE INNER RECESSES OF MY BEING AND SPREAD TO THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF MY BODY. TAKE AWAY ANY PAIN OR FEELING OF DISCOMFORT. CORRECT ANY MALFUNCTIONING OF MY BODILY ORGANS AND TISSUES. MELT WITH THE HEAT OF YOUR HEALING LOVE ALL ABNORMAL AND CANCEROUS GROWTHS. ARREST THE FURTHER SPREADING OF THOSE SICK CELLS AND CREATE IN ME NEW AND HEALTHY CELLS. ROOT OUT ALL THE HURTS EMBEDDED IN MY SUBCONSCIOUS THROUGH THE YEARS. HEAL ALL MY FEELINGS OF REJECTION,ANGER, FRUSTRATION, AGGRAVATION, ALL PAINFUL MEMORIES OF THE PAST AND REPERCUSSIONS OF TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES. AS YOU ROOT OUT ALL HURTS, FILL THE VOID WITH YOUR SPIRIT OF LOVE, PEACE AND UNDERSTANDING, ACCEPTANCE, MEEKNESS AND TENDERNESS, KINDNESS,CONCERN AND GENEROSITY. AS I COMPLETELY SURRENDER TO YOU MY CANCER SICKNESS, DELIVER ME FROM DWELLING ON SELF-PITY, FEARS, ANXIETIES, HOPELESSNESS AND ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. GIVE ME THE GRACE TO OFFER ALL MY PAINS AND SUFFERINGS FOR OTHER SUFFERING PEOPLE LIKE ME, ESPECIALLY THOSE SICK WITH CANCER, WITH NO ONE TO SUPPORT THEM AND PRAY OR THEM. HELP ME TO SEE THE BLESSINGS OUT OF EACH TRIAL TO REALIZE EACH VICTORY FROM EVERY TEAR, TO SEE YOUR GUIDING HAND AND FEEL YOUR LOVING PRESENCE IN EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING TO ME, CONFIDENT THAT YOU ARE TOTALLY IN CONTROL. HELP ME TO LEARN LESSONS FROM MY MISTAKES OF THE PAST AND WORK ON CHANGES IN MY LIFE AND IN MY WAY OF LIVING. AND THEN, DEAREST LORD, AFTER I HAVE BEEN HEALED, MAY MY LIFE BE A WITNESS TO YOUR LOVE, PEACE AND HEALING POWER FOR OTHERS AND BRING GLORY, HONOR AND PRAISE TO YOU. ALL THESE I PRAY IN THE NAME OF JESUS, THROUGH THE INTERCESSION O MARY AND ALL THE SAINTS AND ANGELS. AMEN.
Bud,
ReplyDeleteYou ARE STRONG!!! We believe in you and We love you Buddy. We are with you!
Mattie
Hi Armando! This is Regie del Rosario (now Jackson), a former EBU managing editor at Global Sources. I hope you still remember me. I recall you telling me back when I was still with GS that your wife is also a former Atenean. I'm now based in Goshen, Indiana, just 35 minutes from Notre Dame in South Bend. I'm not sure if it's the same Notre Dame where you studied, as mentioned by one of your friends above. You will be in my prayers as you bravely take the path to full healing and recovery. Your faith and strength are so inspiring, especially to someone like me who's starting to falter amid trials and adversities. I know God is watching over you and will reward your steadfastness and love for Him.
ReplyDeletehi armando. i worked with gs from 2006 to 2009 and i always remember you as that cool boss who dresses up as elvis santa during christmas parties with a lovely wife and cute kids who seem to adore him so much. i was shocked to hear news about your health and had a hard time imagining you in such a situation. i am praying for you. fight!
ReplyDeleteBuddy-
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm reminded of a conversation I had a few years ago when I was complaining to friend about a difficult situation. I finished by saying that God wouldn’t give me more than I could handle. She looked at me for a moment and said, "I don't believe that. I think God absolutely gives us more than we can handle, because that is when we turn fully to him."
Your faith is a gift from God to you, and from you to everyone lucky enough to meet you. I know your poor body is taking a beating right now, but your strength of character is shining through.
Keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Peace-
Sandy Janssen Barry
Hi Armando, you are in my prayers daily. Stay strong and take courage in our Lord's boundless love and fight this with all you've got.
ReplyDeleteJambi
you inspire us Buddy! keep the faith. you, ria and the kids are always in my prayers. God is good all the time. He will never forsake us.
ReplyDeleteHi Armando,
ReplyDeleteThis is Jojo Victorino. I've worked with you in Global Sources 10 years ago. I will include you and your family in my prayers. My cousin is a doctor and told me to check the following sites. If you're open to alternative treatment you may want to check these:
www.naturalnews.com
http://www.on2url.com/app/adtrack.asp?MerchantID=78900&AdID=561412
Hello My Kidbro!!!
ReplyDeleteI've read this INCREDIBLE post over and over again!
Every single time, it moves me so much!!!
The family talks about it! My friends talk about it! Everyone who has had
the fortune of reading this, has just been blown away!!! I am so so so
PROUD of you Buds!!! So many are praying for you. I hope you don't mind
that I took the liberty of sending this to some who know you and some who
haven't met you yet but wish to meet you one day. Everyone felt the same
way!!! You are simply ASTOUNDING and truly INSPIRING!!!
Here are some of the reaction :
Gosh ! What a GUY!!!
I am both naiiyak and of proud of him!!!
If ever I have to go through trials like his, that I would have the same grace and
strength that he does. Scratch that, even half of his strength grace and faith,
I would be so lucky!
----
I keep reading this entry, and again so inspiring, so strong!
He remains positive, grateful and faithful to our dear Lord.
We need such inspiring people.
I pray the Lord allows him to remain on this earth because
he touches the lives of many merely by his existence and his kind heart.
----
Buddy's words alone ignite the goodness, the compassion in each one of us
that read his entries.
His resilience and astounding resignation is truly humbling
If for that alone, please God, if it is your will, make Buddy well!
----
I am at awe with his strength and faith in God! I am actually humbled
and ashamed of my petty complaints and worries in life. Indeed each
of us, has been touched somehow by a loved one having cancer. Again,
thank you for sharing this with us, Riss. My prayers are with your cousin
and his family!
----
Riss, thank you for sharing Buddy's inspiring story. More than anything else,
it is truly a journey of faith. Struggles such as these ones put things into
perspective and make us realise once again who is in control and what is
truly essential. I shall continue to pray for him and his family.
---
Thank you for sharing, I'm inspired by their faith and attitude!
---
Thank you so much for sharing Rissa. It brought me goose bumps while
I was reading it. I don't really know him but I can feel his strength and the support that
everyone is giving him. and his family. I admire the way he and his wife are taking all
of this. It gives me an additional perspective in life. It is a good reminder for all of us that we
are blessed and that we need to live our precious lives to the fullest, as this is a gift from
God --- and one day, we will really join Him, sooner or later.
Will continue to pray for your cousin Riss. It would be an honour to meet him
someday, in person.
... and many more Buds! All I can say is, YOU ROCK!!! :)
Love you tons my dearest Kid Bro!!!
From Big Sis,
Rissa